


nine years

by dubumich



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M, Smoking, i was so emo tf, im sorry jonghyun, jongkey - Freeform, kim jonghyun/kim kibum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dubumich/pseuds/dubumich
Summary: it doesn't take just a pack of cigarettes to kill somebody





	

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't read through or anything so sorry if its messy in some areas

  
  
“So, that’s it then?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“O-okay, fine.”   
  
      Kibum gripped the suitcase tightly in his hand as he tried to feel for the doorknob with the other. Jonghyun felt as if he had bricks building up in his throat. Nine years. It’s been nine years since Jonghyun finally got the courage to ask out his beloved childhood friend. He remembered the way Kibum’s lips curled up as if he was amused by the sudden confession.   
  
_“Did you know that I liked you?”_   
  
_“Of course I did—you’re way too obvious, Blinger.”_  
  
      Nine years. It’s been years, and during those times he has told Kibum countless of times that he loved him. After every kiss, it was followed with an acquitted hum of pure happiness and bliss. There was one time Jonghyun was so caught up in his enjoyment kissing the younger that he smiled so big his teeth accidently scraped against Kibum’s. He was obviously appalled by this and quickly shoved the elder away from him.   
  
_“That was my teeth!”_  
  
_“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy right now.”_  
  
_“You can be happy without touching my teeth…” Kibum mumbled embarrassingly._   
  
      Nine years. Nine years and Kibum is running away—leaving Jonghyun in their now used to be shared apartment. The apartment Kibum fought hard for them because it had the perfect view of the city and knew that he could paint beautiful things from it and Jonghyun write wonderful songs. It took months, long months, but Kibum kept on pushing. He fought the other couple who wanted it with fire in his eyes. It was cute to Jonghyun but also a tad scary.   
  
_“There are plenty of apartments that have a great view, Kibum. If the landlord doesn’t choose us then that’s okay—we move on,” Jonghyun sweetly said as he rested his hands on his boyfriend’s cheekbones. The younger rolled his eyes and slowly slumped his shoulders so he could make sure Jonghyun saw how disappointed he was._  
  
_“But this is THE apartment…the apartment I want to spend the rest of life in with you.”_   
  
Lies. It wasn’t forever it was nine years.   
  
      Each puff felt like a sin. The stinging sensation in his throat felt needed—he wanted it. How many packs of cigarettes have he gone through today? He bought three this morning, but that was bound to be gone through quickly. When Jonghyun pulled out the last cigarette in his box he was quick to throw it somewhere in the crowded bar, not really caring where it landed. It was dimmed lightly inside and the music was nothing but jazz. He used to love jazz—him and Kibum both. He used to watch Kibum sway his hips seductively as he was cooking. He knew Jonghyun was watching him from the couch, so he wanted to keep the show running. The eye-contact would make his throat hitch, because God, Kibum was just so unbelievably gorgeous.   
  
      Jonghyun sucked the life out of his last cigarette—dreading it as he annoyingly tosses it to the ground.   
  
      “Another round,” he ordered the bartender. He looked at the sad young adult as he noticed the purple and blue rings right under his dog-like eyes. His lips were chapped and his hair almost to the point of greasy, hence why he gathered as much as he possibly could and put it into a ponytail. The bartender swallowed thickly as Jonghyun wasn’t even looking in his direction while demanding him. His eyes kept wondering around and he suddenly felt cold in a place where heat was rubbing against each other.   
  
      “Sir, you’ve had six drinks in the past fifteen minutes. I know I can’t force you to stop, but I think it’s in your best interest that you stop here,” he hesitantly said as he grabbed Jonghyun’s empty glass and started to clean it off. He chuckled at the worried server and lazily placed his feet on the bar, placing his hands on the back of his neck.   
  
      “You think you know what’s in my best interest? You don’t know anything about me,” Jonghyun, surprisingly, calmly said. The tall young man wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words.   
  
      “I think you’re hurting,” he finally thought to say. Jonghyun laughed out loud, turning some heads in the bar to his direction.   
  
      “I haven’t felt anything in over two years. Try again,” the older of the two said. Jonghyun tapped the gentleman next to him and asked for a cigarette. He was pleased when the man even put it in between his teeth and lit it for him.   
  
      “Didn’t you just finish a pack when you got here?”  
  
      “It’s cute that you’re keeping tabs on me,” Jonghyun said teasingly.   
  
      The bartender straightened out in shock and embarrassingly started to walk away. Jonghyun lazily placed his elbows on the bar and dragged another puff of smoke, feeling the amazing calmness run out of his nose.   
  
      “Seems like you picked up a nasty habit.”   
  
      Jonghyun nearly dropped his cigarette by the sound of the familiar voice. He didn’t move his eyes to meet with Kibum’s. He knew that once he did he would regret it. He hasn’t looked into his eyes for two years, but even though they aren’t looking at each other directly, he could feel Kibum’s eyes burning into the side of his face. Despite his ex’s comment, Jonghyun let out another puff of cigarette—trying to make it look like he doesn’t care that he’s here in the same bar.   
  
      “Why are you smoking now?” Jonghyun hates that he’s asking questions.   
  
      “Because smoking reminds me of you.”   
  
      “Um, how? I never smoked once in my life.”   
  
      “Smoking could kill me. You two have a lot in common,” Jonghyun took another drag. Kibum pressed his lips together and crossed his arms, continuing to stare at the older man.   
  
      “Still dramatic I see.”   
  
      “Still a fucking asshole I see.”   
  
      “Bling-“   
  
      “Don’t call me that!” Jonghyun was now giving what Kibum wanted and was looking right into his eyes. His eyebrows were knit together in fury by the old nickname that slipped out of his ex’s mouth. His chest felt heavy as he prolonged the staring. Kibum was still annoyingly beautiful, probably even more so.   
  
      “Jjong-“  
  
      “Not that either.”   
  
      “Jonghyun,” Kibum carefully said, hesitantly bringing his thumb up to Jonghyun’s rough cheek. He immediately flinched and grabbed the younger’s wrist, his breathing becoming unsteady.   
  
      “What happened to you?” Kibum weakly asked, tears daring creep down his cheeks. Jonghyun chuckled by the sudden sympathy and threw his hand down. He had absolutely no right to feel bad for him—not at all.   
  
      “Do you..do you still write music?”   
  
      “What the fuck do you want, Kibum?”   
  
      “God, your mouth has gotten filthy too,” he brokenly said. Kibum sat up straight in the stool and attempted again to touch Jonghyun. It didn’t matter where he just needed to. Jonghyun felt a soft hand find his and even though he tried to pull it away, Kibum gripped it tightly in place. He looked at him again and saw the same look in Kibum’s eyes that he had two years ago. The elder’s throat closed when he saw how close Kibum had gotten and slowly pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. Their lips were dangerously close and Jonghyun hated that he wanted to do nothing more than to kiss him right this moment.   
  
      “I’m so sorry,” Kibum whispered softly against his lips, heat creeping up Jonghyun’s neck as he continued to inch closer to him.   
  
      “I hate you so much,” Jonghyun was crying now.   
  
      “I know.”   
  
      Kibum tasted the salt of the elder’s tears after their lips, regrettably, met.   
  
      Jonghyun was alone in his bed when he woke up. A glass of water was sitting on the edge of the nightstand—evidence of Kibum’s stay. The left side of the bed was made up, pillows propped up and neatly placed. The air smelt like a mixture of sweat and Kibum’s perfume. Jonghyun sat up and reached for the drawer next to him, pulled out his packet of cigarettes, took one out, and popped it right in between his teeth.   
  
      Eleven years. Eleven years and Kibum was gone from Jonghyun’s life again.

**Author's Note:**

> yall idk i was super emo when i wrote this and i wrote just for me but thought ???? why not. i may write more in the future but ya know thanks for reading if you did


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